Put yourself in gods way... what does this really mean?

I consumed many books these last two years. Many on God, heaven, death. After I lost my mother, I was on a quest to understand where she was and how I could be sure one day we could be together again. In this quest I read books that set me on a course in life I could have never imagined. It turned into me seeking my purpose and honoring the life this beautiful woman fought to give me.

My mother fought for 19 years to give me life. She had 8 miscarriages and was told over an over by the doctors that her, pressing this would end in her death. Later in my life, my mother would share bits and pieces with me. Told me she could see a girl with green eyes (my family has blue and brown... no green). Well, I made it here and my mother was a part of my life for 47 years. She would say to me anytime I wanted to try something new "nothing ventured, nothing gained" words I live by.

But it's time I got honest here. It hasn't been an easy journey. I got lost and fear took over my soul. I wanted to give up and quite. I wanted to just lay down and join her. On one Monday morning in the deepest of this darkness, something amazing happened and some day I will share it's been all most a year and I still get this warm feeling over me and heaviness... did it really happen?

I was reminded that out of 8 beautiful souls I made it here. I owed it to them and my mother to get back up and push through this. It wasn't a one time push. That fear grabbed me and held on! No matter how much I tried to push it off, it was not letting go... it had me.

Then one night I read Put Yourself In Gods Way. Why not, I know he is with me, but maybe I needed to remind myself like a kid to jump up and down and wave my arms and repeat his name. Hey God over here, I need you! By now I hope you can see that I was not putting myself in God's way. I was reminded that God is with me and if I put my purpose first, honor my heart. 

A few weeks after this I was reading The i factor by Van Moody (great book) and I randomly just turned to a page 99 if you have the book, and this is what I read.

'Things Are Not Always As They Seem' I want to submit a perspective for your consideration. I'd like to suggest that perhaps the best thing God has done in your life is to close certain doors of opportunity, to keep you away from certain relationships, or to say 'no' or 'not yet' to the dreams you were bursting with anticipation to see come true. It's possible, even likely, that the greatest thing God has done for you is for people to ignore you. Even though it made you sad or angry at the time, the fact that God isolated you for the season can be your greatest blessing.

As I'm writing this out I have a smile on my face. These words spoke to me and still speak to me. I understand one thing Life is happening for me, not to me.

I got out of my way and put myself in the path I was meant to be in. To live my purpose I need faith. I can't always see the staircase, but I can sense that I am not alone. I take the step and just as my feet feel like they might just drop into the abyss something firm shows up under them. I hope you have faith and if you are seeking it, be open because it wants you to find it. Faith is the power to propel you... Put yourself in God's way.

Much love and light,

Taylor